unlearning

Is thirty too old
to retrain my mind
& unlearn the pains
I've acquired?
I yearn to Love
fearlessly
with a wholehearted 
wide-eyed 
Belief. 
But I am thirty.
I have seen
the devastation
I've watched homes crumble
seen lives reduced
to rubble, left
crushed underfoot.

How do I erase that from 
my heart's memory
& wake up feeling
sure & secure
that Love is really more
than these wounds
I am wearing inside.
I struggle to hide
from my fears
find myself fighting
to choke back the doubts
before they find a form
to spill out
& wound someone
who doesn't deserve it.

Because, at thirty
trust is sometimes
a hard pill to swallow.